Month: July 2016

I flapped my arms like wings

In the mid-1990s when I was the arts and entertainment editor of our college campus newspaper, I received a review copy of a CD by comedian/satirist Paul Krassner. As a burgeoning young liberal, it spoke to me. My favorite track off the CD was titled “Dreaming the News.” In it, Krassner tells about an incident in his childhood that led to a litmus test he applied to determining whether he was dreaming or reading the news. He would simply flap his arms like wings. If he flew, he knew he was dreaming (or having an acid flashback) and could just ride the fantasy to the end. If he didn’t, he knew whatever he was reading was reality and he’d have to process it.

I’ve been doing a lot of flapping lately. The cats are ready to attack me.

I’ll just address a few incidents of attempted human nonmechanized flight.

‘Stephen Colbert’ will no longer be portrayed by Stephen Colbert

Last week, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert host revived his character from the long-running Comedy Central program The Colbert Report for a segment on his current CBS show. Specifically, he brought back a Colbert Report monologue feature called “The Word.” I found it hilarious, and it was nice to see the caricature of the right wing media back on television.

You know who didn’t find it hilarious? The lawyers for Comedy Central. The contacted CBS claiming that they own the intellectual property of the character “Stephen Colbert.”

“Which, is surprising, because I never thought of that guy as much of an intellectual,” Colbert joked last Wednesday night. “The lawyers have spoken. I cannot reasonably argue that I own my face or name. And as much as I would like to have that guy on again, I can’t.”

I flapped my arms for that and remained stationary. Stephen Colbert was, in fact, not Stephen Colbert.

Before you fret that we are left without a liberal pretending to be a conservative pretending to be a professional journalist, you need not worry. Colbert introduced a new character that very evening: his identical cousin named Stephen Colbert.

Hey. It worked for Patty Duke.

cousin-colbert

I’ll bet a hot dog makes him lose control.

Cousin Stephen will, from time to time on The Late Show, be presenting the new feature “The Werd.”

Part of me wonders if this whole mess might have been avoided if Colbert had just copied and pasted that stupid Facebook privacy message in his status.

‘I’m shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!’

In the wake of the Democratic National Convention, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump (yeah…I hate typing it almost as much as a lot of Republicans hate thinking about it) said – in front of reporters – that he’d like to hit speakers at the DNC who disparaged him.

All right. Fess up. Who forgot to give The Donald the memo that says folks might say bad things about him during a presidential campaign?

I flapped my arms so hard that if it had been a dream, the wind would have blown that rug off The Donald’s melon. Disparaging other people seems to be Donald Trump’s stock in trade.

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And those are his friends! We have a little more than three months left of hearing him spew his bile about “Crooked Hillary.”

This next one is leveled at Kentucky’s junior senator, the guy who currently occupies the seat formerly held by Wendell Ford. As a Kentucky-born liberal, it’s near to my heart.

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And if there’s something Trump is an expert on it’s spoiled brats with malfunctioning brains.

I have a hard time believing a man like Donald Trump can hurl insults with reckless abandon and then claim to be bruised from the ordinary jabs of a contentious political campaign.

One might even say I was shocked.

renault

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