I’d tap that

I’m trying to regain my dashing college form.

A few weeks ago, and with the exception of missing a few nights over the holiday weekend, I began a cardio and upper body workout regimen of about 30 to 40 minutes a night. The big picture goal is for me to get healthy, lose about 15 or 20 pounds to regain the physique that compelled so many women, in my previous single days to say, “eh, you’ll do.”

Specifically, though, I timed this routine to begin about a month before I start fulfilling a dream I have steadfastly held to since childbirth. Beginning in mid-June I am taking seven weeks of adult tap dancing classes.

Sometimes a Saturn V is just a Saturn V.

I’ll be the first to admit it’s unusual as a remedy to the midlife crisis. Most men invest LARGE MONEY™ in automobiles of dubious taste. The reason they do this is because – let’s be honest – they cannot purchase rocketships or submarines.

It’s an exciting prospect. For years, I’ve watched Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly in movies, making it look easy, Astaire with his characteristic grace, and Kelly with his workmanlike athleticism. The fact that both of them are now dead has not deterred me in my quest.

Doing this would be great. Landing like this would be painful.

Some folks may look at this as an incredibly “sissy” thing for a grown man to do, but I put it to you that collectively Kelly and Astaire had five marriages. Fred Astaire was 81 when he married Robyn Smith, whom he would remain married to until his death in 1987. At 81 he still had enough game to woo a woman about half his age.

And me? Well, I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve been on several first dates.

Tap lessons will give me something to do this summer and will help expand the elastic waistband that is my addled brain. A few summers ago, I discovered as I took an American Sign Language class at one of the community college campuses that I was, much to my surprise, still capable of learning and adapting new information to my use.

Born to do it!
Lexington, Kentucky.
125th Street.

Plus, I’ve got rhythm. Boy, do I got it, brother. And not to toot my own horn too much, but I was a star student in my ballroom dance class at Morehead State University my freshman year. It was my physical education elective, and a great way to meet girls.

And since I have sworn off dating for at least six months, I will, at least for the summer, focus on dance to distract me.

At least my feet and legs will be getting a little action.