I never…

Walked on the California coast.
Aided and abetted streakers.
Got busy in a Burger King bathroom. (“Is he joking? Is he?“)
Told you what happened to your father, Luke.

Watched a six-year-old kid light up.

Where’s that black Sharpie when I need it?

Yeah. Last night, Julia and I were at a nice gathering at one of the community parks. Friends of ours were performing at an informal fundraiser for the park’s community center. Folks from the surrounding neighborhood turned out in force. It was not our neighborhood, but I felt a great swell of civic pride.

Until I saw this kid walk past puffing on a cigarette he had just gotten from his dad.

I still have a bruise on the bottom of my chin from where my jaw dropped to the pavement.

To the kid’s credit, he lit his own smoke. I marvel at the idea of what might become of a lighter in the hands of an industrious young man with a can-do attitude like that. I’m sure one day he’ll go as far as the hose on his oxygen tank will let him.

So let’s do this…

Watched a six-year-old kid light up.

And we’ll move on to the next item…

I never paid more than four dollars per gallon for gasoline.

Stay tuned.


  1. He probably saw one of those “teen-made” anti-smoking ads and was filled with an overwhelming urge to light up. I’m almost virulently anti-cigarettes (yes, I know it’s hypocritical that I have a cigar maybe three times a year), but those “Stand” commercials make me want to run out and chain-smoke an entire pack of unfiltered Camels (a la Marge Schott, honey).

    You want commercials that’ll stop kids from smoking? Show their parents smoking with the tag line “Your parents think smoking is cool.” That should put them off cigs for decades.


  2. I’m told there is a toy (yes, you read the word correctly) which looks like a cigarette, and which when the child puffs on it, produces smoke. The question is, what “adult” dreamed up that little item for the world’s poppets?

  3. I agree, Wes. Those commercials remind me of that scene in Blazing Saddles. “No. No, no. If you shoot him, you’ll just make him mad.”

    How ’bout some old Pall Malls from my private stash, honey!

    Terry, I’ve never heard of that “toy” before, but the only practical use I can think of for such a thing would be on stage. If you’ve got an actor who doesn’t like smoking he or she can use the “fake.” If I ever go through a Humphrey Bogart phase, I’ll be sure to look for it.

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